


one more day.

by DictionaryWrites



Category: Marvel
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Thor (2011), Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 01:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15328410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DictionaryWrites/pseuds/DictionaryWrites
Summary: Loki has decided: it's time to leave Asgard behind him.





	one more day.

**Author's Note:**

> "“Please don’t try to stop me.” for loki & thor?" - Anonymous.

The Jotnar were stopped as they entered Asgard. Heimdall killed them where they stood, before they could ever get further into the realm, and now… Well. What is Loki to do?

Thor is officially to be king, now, and Loki is now the spare, as always he was, but now laid down in stone, now announced to the kingdom of Asgard as a whole… Loki inhales, softly, and he takes up the last of his night clothes, neatly folding them into a small square and setting them into his travelling trunk. He doesn’t ordinarily need it, simply leaving his possessions and moving on with naught but his seidr as his luggage, but this–

This is a statement.

Loki’s bedroom is to be as bare as a set of guest quarters. The bookshelves are empty, the bed without sheets: even the art has been removed from the walls, and returned to storage in the south-east wing. 

“Loki? What are you doing?” Thor asks from the doorway.

“Packing,” Loki answers primly. “I’m nearly finished now.” He must remain steadfast. He  _will_  remain steadfast. Loki was never worth anything, here on Asgard, and now here stands proof - Father would set Thor on the throne, Thor, with his temper and his arrogance and his  _stupidity_ – Loki loves Thor. Loves him dearly.

But he is not, and will never be, a king. 

“I’m leaving,” Loki says softly, and he draws the lid of the trunk closed, turning to look at Thor. Thor is looking at Loki’s rooms with something resembling terror in his eyes, taking in the bare bookshelves, the bare mattress upon the bed. Even the curtains, Loki has taken down and neatly wrapped in paper, setting them aside.

“You’ve left before,” Thor says. “You’ve never packed.”

Hasn’t he just? How many times has Loki left Asgard behind him, for years at a time, for  _decades_ , even, and returned to Asgard because Thor came to collect him, demanding he return home? How many more times has Loki returned out of a misplaced sense of  _loyalty_  - of guilt?

“No, no,” Loki agrees. His voice is mild: his face is expressionless. “But I won’t be returning this time.” Thor’s blond brow furrows.

“ _What_?” he demands, and he moves forward, shoving open the lid of the trunk. He reaches for the nightshirt Loki had just placed within, ostensibly to put it away again, but Loki sends a current of fire to burn about the trunk’s edges, burning Thor’s hand and forcing him to retract it. “You can’t do this. You can’t just–  _Why_?”

 _Because I have spent three thousand years in your shadow, and I am so desperate to feel the sun_ , Loki does not say. 

 _Because I can’t stand living with our Mother and Father and knowing, for whatever reason, that they love you - that they have always loved you - more than they love me,_  Loki tastes on his tongue, but allows to go unsaid. 

 _Because I hate the resentment inside me, I hate the way that it bubbles and snaps, and I cannot bear to let myself rest here until the day that my love for you cannot protect you from my jealousy_ , Loki whispers, in his mind, and never permits a voice. 

“I have to,” Loki says simply.

“But–” Thor grips hard at Loki’s shoulders, his grasp almost  _bruising_  in its desperation, and Loki flinches slightly, but he holds fast, inhaling slowly and looking his brother right in the eyes. “Loki, you  _can’t_. I am to be king.”

“You are,” Loki agrees.

“How can I be king without you at my side?” Thor asks, softly, and oh, it makes Loki’s heart ache - oh, it really does.

“You’ll figure it out,” Loki says. He has no faith in the words he speaks. Thor is  _good_ , and he is honourable, but those are not qualities enough. He will not last a day as king, when his day finally comes. 

 _And so you are dooming him_ , he thinks to himself.  _You are condemning him to die inevitably by his own hand and his own foolishness, because you cannot control your jealousy. Because you would allow that hate to eclipse your love. What says that of you?_

“Have I done something?” Thor asks. His blue eyes are so wide, and they are slightly wet, as if he will burst into tears. He is  _shaking_  with the grief to come, but Loki will not be weak, will not allow himself to be weak.

He will not  _doom himself_  for Thor’s sake. He will not doom himself, for the rest of his long life, to crouching at his brother’s feet, to submitting to him as his  _king_. Why should he? Why should he? Hasn’t he given Thor  _enough_? Hasn’t he been the second prince, unwanted, unimportant, for long enough? Hasn’t he served his sentence, for his crime of being Loki?

“No, brother,” Loki whispers. “ _Please_ , don’t try to stop me. I cannot bear it here, not for one more day - I have to go. I must. What it is like for me here, you could never  _imagine_ –” Thor is crying. There are tears on his cheeks, and he is clutching at Loki so desperately, so–

“If you must,” he says, finally. He sniffles, making an ugly snorting sound as he inhales, and he stumbles as he steps back from Loki, bringing his hands in to himself. “I won’t– You truly believe that you need to do this? That you must go?”

Loki nods.

“I won’t stop you,” Thor whispers. “Whatever it is, whatever ails you… It would be wrong of me to stop you. If you can’t be happy here, I would wish for you to be happy elsewhere. But does this mean– You would give up… But you are a  _prince_ , you cannot merely–”

“I’ll renounce that title,” Loki says. 

“You can’t.”

“I will.”

“But– But  _why_?”

“Why bother keeping it?” Loki asks. “It doesn’t mean anything.” Thor doesn’t understand. Loki can see, Loki can  _see_  that he doesn’t understand, that he doesn’t comprehend what Loki is saying, what issue Loki could possibly have, and Loki  _hates_  it. Norns, why is it that all his life, he has understood Thor so entirely, and Thor has never understood the slightest thing about him? Thor casts his shadow, and with Loki doused in darkness, he can scarcely make out the barest detail.

Thor hesitates, and then asks, his voice so soft and so quiet, “Won’t you stay for one day more? Just– to let me say goodbye?”

If he stays, Loki will never go. If he stays for one day, he will be here for a thousand more, for a million. He can’t stay. To stay for one day would be a life sentence - he would curse himself for a lifetime at Thor’s side, at his left hand, to never,  _ever_  be seen as his own man, to only ever be the prince where Thor is king–

“No,” Loki mutters. “No.”

“But you’re my  _brother_ ,” Thor says. “You can’t– How could you give me not even the chance to say goodbye? Properly?” Loki shakes his head, fervently, desperately, and Thor reaches out. Loki shudders to feel Thor’s palm against the side of his neck, and despite himself he leans into the touch, leans into his brother’s affection–

_Even if Mother and Father don’t love you, he does. Always. No matter what. Isn’t that matters? Isn’t that enough?_

Loki feels his own eyes burn. He feels them water at their edges, feels his throat thick and heavy, feels himself on the very verge of sobbing. If he stays, he’ll stay forever, if he stays– He can’t. He can’t.  _He can’t_.

“Please, brother,” Thor whispers. “ _Please_.”

He mustn’t.

“Alright,” Loki whispers brokenly. “Just one more day.” Thor throws his arms around him, hugging him so  _tightly_ –

And Loki is helpless to do anything but sob. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Hit me up on Tumblr](http://dictionarywrites.tumblr.com/faq). Requests always open.


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